Struggling with what to bring to Thanksgiving dinner? What to know as an invited guest

It's time to start thinking about what you might bring to Thanksgiving dinner. 

Whether you are invited to dinner to meet your partner’s family for the first time or attending a Friendsgiving celebration hosted by your closest pals, a side dish or gift is certainly appreciated. 

Any stress or nervousness associated with the task can be alleviated pretty easily with some good communication at the very beginning, Emily Post's great-great-granddaughter Lizzie Post shared with USA Today.

A conversation regarding the environment, vibe, style of entertaining, dress code, or whether a hosting gift would be appreciated can take some of the guess work out of it. 

“I find a lot of people don’t have those kinds of conversations about what to expect in the style of the Thanksgiving or the style of the holiday. And that can make it harder for folks who are newbies to know where to take it,”  Post said. 

Here’s what you should consider before you bring your world-famous pumpkin pie or a bottle of wine to a family or friend’s Thanksgiving dinner, courtesy of etiquette experts.

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What should I consider before making a side dish or purchasing a gift for holiday dinner? 

Hosting an event of any kind, a holiday dinner included, can be pretty difficult so a couple ways to show your gratitude for being invited is by making sure you don’t show up empty-handed and to ask the host what you can bring, etiquette coach Myka Meier shared with USA Today.

Its probably a good idea to bring some kind of hosting gift with you, if this is the first time you are invited to someone’s home or holiday. But its not something you are obligated to do, at least from an etiquette standpoint, Post said. 

“The host has invited you to their home. You are not a burden. You don’t have to bring something to exchange the amount of work that someone is doing to have you at their home, which is a common misconception with hosting gifts. But often, its a really thoughtful thing to do because it is really nice to be included and welcomed into someone’s home a day on a family-oriented day like Thanksgiving,” Post said. 

Its very common for guests to ask if they contribute to Thanksgiving dinner or for a host to ask their guests to bring a part of the meal like a side dish or a dessert since its a big meal, often shared in community, Post said. 

A host gift is an item you weren't necessarily asked to bring, unlike a meal contribution. Post says she opts into a hosting gift if there has been no discussion about whether you should bring something. 

“‘Oh, nobody asked me to bring anything to Thanksgiving so I’ll make my famous vegetarian lasagna and bring it just in case.' Don’t do that. That’s gonna throw off your host, if you have not been asked to bring food  or if you've offered and been turned down,” Post said. 

You also don’t usually have to bring a hosting gift in addition to a food item you have already been asked to bring, Post said. 

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What kind of items can I bring to a Thanksgiving dinner?

A great hosting gift doesn’t have to take too much effort, especially if the gesture is holiday-specific or is an item you know the host of the party would appreciate that’s a little more personalized, Meier said. 

If they love to cook, you might want to get them a holiday-themed apron or some kind of treat for their pet if you know they love animals, Meier said. 

Just don’t show up with an “item that needs to be dealt with or prepared” because it creates more work for the host and isn’t the most thoughtful gesture, Post said.

That is, showing up to a holiday dinner bag of chips and a jar of salsa without some kind of serving platter might not be the best call, Post said. 

Here are a couple of suggestions: 

• Flowers (arranged in a vase or container) 
• Cornucopia
• Box of chocolates 
• Box of teas 
• Gourmet treats like specialty cheeses, jam containers, crackers or a beautifully packaged gourmet gift basket 
• Wine 
• Holiday drink mix 
• Book

Small consumable items like the ones listed above can be a great go-to. A couple classic items that might be a little tired are self-care items like bath products, lotions, or candles.

 However, they can make excellent gifts if you know they will be appreciated, Post said. 

“You have to remember that it's not the host’s obligation to serve whatever you bring in addition to the meal. So, if you bring that very classic box of chocolates or something, don’t expect that it will be opened and shared with you,” Post said. 

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