GYMNASTICS 101: CROWDSURF LIKE JESUS
Idk I just made this this thing and it’s so messy and….yea it’s kind of weird…anyway:
It takes a lot of practice (and teamwork!) to be a crowdsurfer.
Crowd surfing is a fantastic thing. You feel like you are floating in the air (hence this lesson is called ‘crowdsurf like jesus’, even though jesus walked on water yea, but he floated up to heaven ugh just shut up). Basically, the feeling you get is as if you were floating, even though around ten people are touching your bootay and the rest of your body.
…and let the lesson begin!
First we are going to look at two examples:
Crowd surfing done right:
[source]
Crowd surfing done wrong:
(Just for the record that was Katy Perry trying to crowd surf and i’m laughing so hard ‘cause I found the other gifs to this and lmaooo)
What we’re gonna do, is try to be this guy:
You see, hes so chill and hes at one with the crowd, so chill…
STEP ONE:
Practice on your problem areas
Everybody got their problem areas like, too long legs, really hard knuckles, a soft skull…
Basically know your body.
Hard knuckles? Moisturize them
A soft skull? Bring a fucking helmet
Too long legs? Just don’t wear spikey thigh high boots and you’ll be ok
Ticklish? … you’re fucked son
You need to think about your safety.
If you are really fragile, well, you’re kinda fucked, remember to then bring with you safety gear and some bubble wrap and you’ll survive
(gettin’ ready for da mosh pit)
STEP TWO:
Know how to move with the crowd
Keep yo back straight so you don’t slump yo ass into a dudes head and you both fall and die.
Try to be a ‘crowdwhisperer’. Basically whatcha gotta do is try to fill the open areas with people so you can crowd surf without dying at the end. When you’re over the crowd, ca. 1 metre (YES IM USING METRE SHUT THE FECK UP) away from the open area just whistle the g note and all the emos will gather around you.
Also try to keep your feet in the air so you can avoid anyone being injured, including yourself.
you need to look like you’re on your way to heaven
STEP THREE:
WAIT FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT!!!!
You just gotta wait for the right moment or it will never ever work. Like you can’t just dive in to the crowd in the middle of Northern Downpour when everybody be crying and then you’ll be the douche that crushed five sobbing emo trashcans, just no!
Rather wait until Beebo decides to play Hurricane or Vegas Lights, then you can jump into the crowd and surf on the ocean of humans.
(graaaAAAAAVITyYYYYYYY don’T MEAN ToOOO muuuUUUUCH tOoOO MEEee…)
Some basic tips:
dress for the occasion
- tightly secured footwear
- leave your emo accesories at home
- avoid being half naked, because you gonna be touched at
for the crowd
- act like a decent human being
- do not grope people
- touch bootay, but do not pinch
- teamwork guys! do not just let go of the person
(LOOK AT THE WOMANS FACE AAAAHAAh)
But hey, remember to have fun while you do this, and then I guess the lessons over!
HOMEWORK: What’s the most insane gig you have ever been to? If you haven’t been to any, which band do you think had/has the most insane ass crowd?
(lol i made this half asleep anyway don’t try this without yo friends kids!)
(this gif is so rad)
(THE ULTIMATE CROWD SURFING FT. YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!!)
[note: my sarcasm]
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